I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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