I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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