Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
