I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
