Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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