Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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