btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
