i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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