We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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