shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize