lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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