I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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