So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
