I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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