didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
