Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
