Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
