Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
