This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
