I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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