Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
