i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize