Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
