I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
