Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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