grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
