I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
