yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
