dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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