we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
