weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
