he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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