I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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