Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
