The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
