just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize