she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
