i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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