My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
