where am i from again
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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