I hate all girls vehemently.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
