So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
