Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
