I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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