I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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