was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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