Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
