He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
