i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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