I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
