You can't special order awesome
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
