I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
