I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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