i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
