The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
