the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
