it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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