I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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