What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
