some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
