I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i will never coherently bang her
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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