My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
