did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
