I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
