Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
