TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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