Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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