put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
