i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
