my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He did a backflip because drugs
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